I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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