Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
