i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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