I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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