You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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