3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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