I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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