the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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