how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
