That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
