Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
worst night to have a conscience
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
