he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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