Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
