There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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