Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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