The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
