Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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