It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
