Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize