Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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