i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
