What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
