Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
