wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
