It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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