i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize