There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
