There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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