so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
