broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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