you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.