she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
True strength comes from lack of pants
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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