Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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