I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
