i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished