Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.