i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
someone owes me an orgasm
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona