Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out