Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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