Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
