I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
