you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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