hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish you could order shots online.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
