We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
