That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
