So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
