Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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