Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
