I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
