Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
