Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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