I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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