there's paper in my vomit.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
