You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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