Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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