Porn is love you can see.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
