His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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