you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
