I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
