Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
