if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
