The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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