WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
