my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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