so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wear drunk well.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
