god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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