According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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