Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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