im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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