We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
