you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
