enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
