"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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