I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
