everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize