your thong is hanging out like whoa
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
