Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I believe in your delicious
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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