I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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