im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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