the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
