So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
